SOS Brigade
by oONekomataOo
Summary: AU - At World Academy, Feliciano and his friends start a new club called the SOS Brigade for a school project. Their mission? To help students and staff alike solve their problems, whether it be finding a lost textbook or losing a long-lost sister with yandere issues. Note: this fic has nothing to do with the fantastic Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya series other than the club name.


**SOS Brigade**

By: oONekomataOo

**Disclaimer:** One can own the pasta, but not the Nation that endorses it…Or Hetalia in general.

**Warnings:** High School AU, Lovino's mouth, pairings of all kinds/genders (but probably nothing you haven't seen before), some OOCness (crazy high school hormones), Francis' antics, and Teacher!Steve…I think that about covers it.

As stated in the summary, this fic has _nothing_ to do with the fantastic _Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya_ series other than the club name. Because that would be another fic for another time. This story is about the Axis boys forming a club to help people solve their problems (whether that involves a lost textbook or a psycho sister with stalking tendencies) for a school project.

Ciao!

**- Chapter : SOS Brigade Begins! -**

At the beginning of our story, we found our heroes waiting patiently (or at least what could be considered patiently for them) outside the office of Guidance Counselor, Tony Roswell. Today was the day their Psychology Class was to be interviewed individually by Mr. Roswell. The scores would then be given to each student to see where they're strengths and weaknesses lay.

After they saw the results, the students were to complete a project about improving their weaknesses by using their strengths. While it sounded nice on paper, the project was long, involved, and worth nearly half their grade in the class. Feliciano Vargas and a few others were legitimately interested in the project, whereas Kiku Honda, Ludwig Beilschmidt, and half a dozen others were doing it because Ms. Braginskaya was a nice teacher and they wanted to do well for her, their families, and good grades were important to them. On the flip side, the class procrastinators which included Lovino Vargas and Gilbert 'von Awesome' Beilschmidt would have skipped the whole thing if not for the fact that their homeroom teacher Mr. Steve had agreed to help corral the students and ensure everyone showed up. Nobody liked to admit it, but that guy was creepy. Almost Natalia-creepy, but he lacked the good looks to give him any sort of redeeming quality. This guy was huge, lumbering, pallid, and in the right light – looked like he walked out of a horror movie set. Mr. Steve was often rumored to be a half-human, half-alien hybrid in a cheap suit.

Of course none of the rumors were true. Probably.

One by one, the students were called into Mr. Roswell's office for a private interview, than allowed to return while another was called. The questions he asked were all the same, but the answers he got were everything from 'typical' to 'head-scratchers.'

"Hello," Mr. Roswell greeted each student happily. "How are you feeling today?"

"_I'm great! This project sounds fun! How are you doing?" _

"_Very well, sir." _

"_I'm awesome, thanks for asking!" _

"_Fine, and you?" _

"_Like hell now that I'm stuck in here for this interview crap…" _

Mr. Roswell prided himself on being able to remain indifferent no matter what responses were given. A skill he most definitely needed for this class.

"How are you doing in class?"

"_Really good! I like Ms. Braginskaya, she's so pretty and really nice!_"

"_Fine." _

"Getting all of your work done?" The Guidance Counselor asked.

"_Yes, of course. I believe I'm keeping up well enough." _

"_Hahaha! The Awesome Me doesn't have to get everything done on time to be awesome!" _

"_Why the fuck do you care?" _

"How are your friends doing?" continued Mr. Roswell.

"_The Awesome Me has so many fans, it's hard to keep up!" _

"_None of your business, asshole." _

"_Good." _

"And how does that make you feel?"

"…_.Good?" _

"_It makes me feel like making pasta for them! Everybody loves pasta!"_

"_You are making me feel nervous, sir." _

"Is that how you normally feel around your friends?"

"_Yep!" _

"_I…I guess so?"_

"_Why are you asking me all these stupid questions?"_

"In that social group, would you describe yourself as more of a leader or a follower?"

"_Leader." _

"…_Follower?" _

"_Both." _

"_Fuck you." _

"_I am the supreme commander for life!"_

"Tell me about your family…"

"_They are awesome, but not nearly as awesome as me! Kesesese!" _

"_Well, sometimes they come off a little…strongly, but they mean well!" _

"_I believe Gilbert speaks for himself." _

"How do you resolve a conflict within the family?"

"_Oh, I don't have conflicts with my parents. I try to be respectful." _

"_Usually when they start shouting, I start making lasagna and by the time it's done and we sit down at the table, all is forgiven!" _

"_How is that relevant to this assessment?" _

"If you had to describe yourself as a color, what would it be?" Mr. Roswell asked the last question.

"_What the hell?"_

"_How is_ that _relevant to this assessment?"_

"_Red! Or maybe green? Ah, white's good too…Ve~" _

"_I…I don't really associate myself with a color?" _

"_Black, for I act as the eagle in the night and move like a ninja from one of Kiku's games! Kesesese!" _

Finally the interviews were done just as the bell rang, dismissing the students to another class. As they dashed off like gazelles on steroids, Mr. Steve stomped after them, hollering at them to walk in the halls. Katyusha noticed her other co-worker sigh in relief and adjust his hair. He was such a professional, diligently recording all of the students' answers and supporting them no matter what they said. What great composure and expertise!

"How did it go, Tony?" she asked cheerfully.

"I need a _drink_…"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

As Ludwig sat down next to his bruder at the lunch table, he pondered over the interview Mr. Roswell had given him. He believed he gave satisfactory answers. Kiku probably did as well. Feliciano more than likely gave interesting answers and then rambled on about pasta or some other Italian dish. He shook his head. He didn't even want to think about what kind of answers Gilbert and Lovino gave. They had also been back-to-back interviews. Suddenly, he began to sympathize for the guidance counselor.

"And that's when I told him how my goal for the future is to spread my awesomeness with the less awesome. Good answer, right?" grinned Gil.

"Haha, did you really?" Antonio laughed.

"And he believed you?" Francis raised an eyebrow.

"Hey!" came the Prussian's outburst.

Ludwig blinked, he had barely noticed when the rest of his older brother's infamous trio had gathered at the large table in the lunchroom. He didn't really mind Antonio, because despite being a bit too laidback for his taste, the Spaniard often unknowingly saved him from the wrath that is Feliciano's older twin brother. For that reason alone, Antonio was alright in Ludwig's books, now Francis on the other hand…

"Did he really ask that, Ludwig?" the brunette inquired.

"What?" Ludwig asked, mentally chiding himself for being pulled into his own thoughts again.

"Did Mr. Roswell really ask you what kind of things triggered an arousal in your behavior?" winked Francis.

"_What?_" Ludwig repeated.

"Warten! That's not what I said!" The albino shouted, blushing slightly. "Don't say weird shit like that to my little brother!"

Yep, Francis was definitely not alright in Ludwig's books, but he had grown up with the German boy's older brother, so there wasn't really anything that could be done besides ignore him and glare at him every so often. No one was safe from the Frenchman's jokes, unwelcome advances, or seductive winks. Well, except for maybe Natalia. _Nobody_ messed with Natalia.

"Did we miss something?" Feliciano asked as he joined the others at the table with Lovino and Kiku behind him.

"Nein, Francis was just demonstrating why even the registered sex offenders are afraid of him."

"Haha, you guys are funny!" Feliciano giggled, sitting next to his blonde friend.

The table collectively sighed or shook their heads. Being that airheaded had to be a crime.

"So Feliciano, I hear the guidance counselor was asking to look at your—"

Before Francis could finish, Gilbert shoved his face into the table. Ludwig sent him a quick grateful look. This was going to be a looooong lunch if the resident perv kept that up.

"How did your evaluation go, Ludwig?" Kiku asked politely, steering the conversation out of the gutter.

"It was fine. I was confused by the identifying myself as a color question, however."

"I admit I was as well," nodded the Japanese boy.

"Ve~ I told him red! Just like pasta sauce!"

"That's a stupid reason."

"What did you tell him, fratello?"

"After 'what the hell' I think I went with green…"

"Just like your eyes!" Antonio grinned. "Que lindo!"

"What'd you say, bastardo?!" frowned the Italian. "Someday I'm going to learn that stupid language you keep spouting, so I know what the hell you're saying to me!"

"Want me to teach you?" beamed the older boy.

"No."

"Want _me_ to teach you?" offered the freshly recovered Frenchman.

"Eat shit and die."

"Alas, I believe it is poor Alfred who's stuck eating dear Arthur's cooking today!" Francis replied, dramatically waving his hand in their direction.

The rest of the Bad Touch Trio couldn't resist laughing at that, but Kiku looked concerned as he watched Alfred take a bite of…_something_ a few table away.

"S-Should we call someone?" he asked.

"Like the school nurse?" Feli asked.

"Like the freaking paramedics," chuckled the albino, offering the Italian his phone.

"How would you know if Arthur's cooking is bad or not?" Ludwig asked logically. "Have you ever tasted it?"

"Non," Francis replied. "The smell alone nearly killed me before."

"I'm sure it's –"

Alfred suddenly fell over with a thud and began twitching uncontrollably.

"Holy shit, Feli! Call 911!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The next day in Homeroom, Mr. Steve informed his class that the results of the psych test for those in Ms. Braginskaya's Psych class were in. She had wanted Homeroom teachers to pass them out, so her students got a chance to see them before class. Or at least he tried to tell them that. His voice was too slow and monotone for all those words. He was pretty sure he lost a few of his students' attention and a few more bordered on falling asleep.

So he settled for doing the mature thing.

"PAY ATTENTION TO ME, YOU USELESS BRATS!" he slammed his hands onto his desk roughly, nearly breaking it in half. The angry tower of a man had already gone through 3 desks already and they were only a few months into the school year.

Days like this made Feliciano wince and wish that someone would stick a crowbar in Mr. Steve's mouth (which was large enough to warrant the crowbar) and then attack him with melee weapons. Maybe that would finally get him to stop yelling at them. Feli shrugged it off, having no idea where the thought was coming from.

'_Maybe Lovino really was a bad influence on me?_' He chuckled quietly to himself.

After their teacher managed to compose himself he flung the stack of papers on the table and told his students to find their score sheet themselves. He couldn't be bothered to himself, as he was done wasting his time on them. After he sat down on his desk and flipped on the computer to give him a reason to ignore his class, the group of 6 or so students that shared the same Homeroom and Psychology class got up and started digging for their papers.

"Here's mine!" Feliciano exclaimed happily. "And here's yours, fratello!"

"Thanks," his twin muttered, taking the paper out of his brother's hand, but not being in a hurry to read it.

"I don't understand, where is our grade?" asked Kiku, looking the paper over again.

"I don't think there is a grade, we just have to look at the area he wrote our strengths and weaknesses in…" the taller German boy answered.

"Ah, I see. Thank you Ludwig-kun."

"Wait, this says I'm a follower…" Feliciano read uncertainly. "I-I thought that was a good thing, why is it in the 'Weakness' section?"

"Don't worry about it," Lovino shrugged. "Guy's a fucking idiot. He wrote 'Antisocial' and 'Problematic' for mine."

"B-But, you kind of are, fratell—oww!" Feli mock cried as his older brother smacked him on the back of the head.

"I-Isolated? He thinks I'm isolated?" Kiku looked at his in disbelief. "Oh dear, even Lovino-kun got a better score than I did…"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, dammit?!"

"What does yours say, Lud?"

"Emotionally withdrawn…I'm supposed to express my feelings better…." The German read in confusion. "I don't understand…expressing everything shows weakness, so why would…"

"Maybe we'll have a better understanding of the results by the time we get to Psychology class?" mused the Italian, head tilted to the side.

Nope.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Arschloch!" Gilbert raged after Katyusha finished explaining the project and gave them time to work alone or in groups on it. "He wrote down that I was egocentric! Egocentric! I didn't even know what that meant until Francis defined it for me in front of the entire class during Homeroom!"

"Ouch," sympathized Feli.

"Ha, serves ya right, Potato Bastard #2."

"Do you even know what it means?" Gil glared at Feli's evil twin.

"It means selfish, arrogant, and self-centered," rattled off Lovi.

"Ok, I'll admit I'm surprised you knew that. I didn't think you heard anything sitting in the back of class with your headphones on."

"Even if I didn't know what it meant, all I'd have to do is describe you and it'd be dead on."

"Why you—"

"So, anyway, the project says we can work as a group or by ourselves for this!" Feliciano interrupted, hoping to prevent another fight.

"What did you have in mind?" questioned Kiku.

"Umm, I guess, I was thinking as a group," the brunette began, looking upwards as if in deep thought. "Yeah! Maybe I can be the leader too, since I'm supposed to work on being a leader instead of a follower!"

"We're supposed to document ways that we're using our strengths to overcome our weaknesses. How are we going to do that?" Ludwig asked.

The group was silent again. The boys all had very different skills they were supposed to work on, so finding a project that worked for all of them would be tricky. There was another few moments of silence, balancing pencils on noses, and head-scratching before…

"I've got it!" shouted Feliciano, leaping out of his chair. He had been loud enough for his group in addition to several others to look at him.

"You have an idea?" Kiku asked, motioning for the excitable Italian to sit back down again.

"Yeah! I thought of a way that I could work on leadership, Lud could work on expressing his feelings, Gilbert could put others above his own priorities, while fratello and Kiku could connect and interact with others more!" smiled Feliciano, pointing to each person as he addressed them.

"And that would be…?"

"The SOS Brigade!" Feli smiled bright enough to start something on fire.

"What exactly _is_ that?"

"Are you making shit up again?"

"No, no! I'm not!" he reassured them. "Well, I did just come up with the idea, but it's a really good one!"

"I still don't follow," frowned Lud. Usually he was able to make some sense of what his overly happy friend rambled on about, even at his most hyperactive moments. Usually.

"We start a club and call it the SOS Brigade!" cheered Feli. "Our mission would be to help people solve their problems and that would solve our own problems, because we'd be using all the skills we're working on for this project to help them!"

"That's…actually not a bad idea, Feli," Gil scratched his chin. "The Awesome Me will help you save damsels in distress!"

"Uh…we'd actually be helping anyone who asked for it…"

"I may not be good at expressing…_feelings_…" Ludwig cringed at the word. "But I am more than adequate at problem-solving. I'll help you as well."

"That's the spirit, Lud!"

"I'm in, too!" Kiku chimed in.

"What the hell, why not?" Lovino waved his hand dismissively.

"Then it's settled!" the amber-eyed Italian raised his fist. "The SOS Brigade is officially born!"

"Right, but can we change the name?"

"Veeeeee~?"

-**END: Chapter 1**

**::A/N::**

Were you able to figure out who was who giving Tony the answers? I was going to identify them, but figured it was more fun that way…and most are pretty easy to figure out.

I made Steve be a (human) teacher to give the story the token "bad" teacher that everyone can hate and not feel guilty about it. For those of you that don't know, he was the main enemy from Hetaoni, 'Steve' being the fan name for him. He's a prick, so don't feel bad if you're unfamiliar with the character and dislike him. Just think of the most ugly/repulsive/rage-inducing thing imaginable, make it about 10 feet tall and you've got Steve.

Next chapter is the first official meeting of the SOS Brigade!

**Translation Corner-**

I tend to include foreign words in my fics, so you can see definitions here. If you see something that's wrong or that you want to add on, let me know so I can fix it.

**Fratello **(It.) "Brother"

**Bruder** (Ger.) "Brother"

**Warten** (Ger.) "Wait"

**Nein** (Ger.) "No"

**Que lindo** (Sp.) "How cute"

**Bastardo** (It.) "Bastard"

**Non** (Fr.) "No"

**Arschloch** (Ger.) "Asshole"


End file.
